I used to be addicted to exercise. I would workout for 2-3 hours a day and eat way less calories than the government recommends for a “healthy diet”. According to my tracker I would eat less than half of what I was burning. 

I took a hiatus because I really needed to examine why I was exercising and what did I truly enjoy? I had been forced to take short breaks previously for various small injuries. I figured these injuries were because I was fat. I figured my extra weight was what was causing tennis elbow, plantar fasciitis, small muscle tears and more.

In the time of this addiction I had started running to #operationgetunfat

I haven’t been doing any exercise including running recently because I was so scared of starting again. I was afraid that if I started again I wouldn’t be able to stop. I wouldn’t be able to be sensible about. But I really, really miss it. Recently, I was listening to the podcast about the energy work. The energy worker mentioned something about using exercise to ground herself and it hit me. That is what I miss! I miss the feeling of being balanced.

I had once described it as a click. A switch in my brain. If the exercise is challenging enough, after a certain amount of time my brain shuts off. I am in my body. I feel my muscles. I feel them flexing and relaxing. I feel the discomfort. I feel the stretch and the relief. I feel.

In the time of my addiction I had started running for #operationgetunfat.

Recently, I swallowed my fear and I started a couch to 5k program to gently get back into running. Friday I did a color run for my Week 2 Day 3 of C25k and about half way in, it hit me that running is the perfect way to connect with all four elements. The wind on my skin (air), sweat (water), sun on my face (fire) and the ground under my feet (earth). There were a few times where I’d start to think “how many calories am I burning?” Or “with all this activity I have to be burning some sugar right!?!?” But when I caught myself I would close my eyes (BRIEFLY!!!) and feel. I’d feel for an element. Sometimes it was the heat of the sun or it was a cool breeze that was blowing right then. 

I was tired and hungry afterwards. Instead of limiting myself, I ate when I was hungry. I took a nap. I listened to my body! I wore my Apple Watch but honestly, I forgot to start the tracker until about half way through the run. I still have no idea how many calories I burned (or even how many the watch tracked as being burned) or how many miles I ran vs walked. I simply ran to feel.