Most of you don’t actually know me. The ones that do know me, know that I prefer to be a housewife. I am not longing to get a job or get an advanced degree. I LOVE being a housewife. My husband and I tend to do things a little more traditionally than a lot of other couples…by choice. We sat down, we discussed our individual wants and needs, our financial restraints, etc and came up with something that works for us.

Not shockingly, it is difficult for me to find women who live similarly to myself. Being a housewife isn’t “in” right now. Despit the fact that it’s not “in” I’ve had several friends ask me to coffee and talk through their desire to put their children in childcare and go back to work. Worried that somehow that choice will be seen as an unloving mother or somehow not viewing their kids as “enough”. I have gently yet firmly explained to them that every single person on this planet has different needs and desires. That their need and desire to have a job outside of their home, to have an identity outside of their role as mother and wife does not make them ungrateful or a bad wife and mother. It simply is a part of them and they should absolutely explore it.

Currently there is a #tradwife movement in the UK. Women deciding that they WANT to stay home, they WANT to be a housewife, and the WANT to be good at it. They want to know how to make the perfect scone and they want to know which wine goes with the fish and they want to know how to iron a shirt properly. They WANT TO DO THESE THINGS. And the backlash is amazing.

The most interesting part to me is that many are using American women as examples in their attacks on these “tradwives”. They keep saying that racist American women are using the excuse of homemaking to breed more white babies. Today I read the opinion that in the American Bible Belt us women have NO CHOICE but to be home ironing shirts and popping out brand new white racist babies.

When did choosing that you want to be a mother and a housewife become an attack on all other women? An attack on entire races? When I was in elementary school I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a mom. The very young female student teacher gently told me how wrong I was for not wanting “more”. She told me I needed to do something that “made a difference or helped people”. I was really confused. How is raising children not making a difference or helping people? After that I told people I wanted to be a nurse. Because what is more “helpful” than that? That still wasn’t good enough. The response I got to that (as a 3rd grader) was “why stop there?!?! Why not be a DOCTOR!?!?” Ok…so I want to be a doctor now.

But deep down…I really just wanted to be a mom. I just wanted to have a pretty table and make beautiful meals and have an organized house. I went to college and on a whim took a small break from the requirements for medical school and went to culinary school. The responses I got varied. Some said it was a “much better suited career for me. That I couldn’t ‘make it’ as a doctor”. Others said, “don’t lose sight of the medical degree. This is just for fun you know”. I ended up not finishing culinary school OR getting a 4 year degree.

It wasn’t until I met my husband that I finally admitted the feelings and the longing to be a housewife and mother to someone. I literally held my breath waiting for him to tell me that he wouldn’t support my laziness or tell me how selfish I was for not wanting to generate an income to “help” our growing family. But he didn’t. He simply said, “If that’s what you want, I think it would be amazing.”

Why can’t we just listen to our friends and families dreams and aspirations and say, “I think that is amazing” and move on with life? Why do we have to tear people down and compare housewives to Nazis, or call them lazy? Why are we telling children their dreams are wrong? Why can’t we just make some scones and have some coffee and swap stories of the rough week at the office or with homework time?

I think that would be…amazing.